Plan B is the new Plan A
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
