i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
