If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize