You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
