Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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