No, you can still breathe under the balls.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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