he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
