Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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