whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
