it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
