I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
