ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
