The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
