sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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