Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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