This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
