i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
