I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
