I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
