he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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