OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
only if we run a train.
done.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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