I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
