She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He did a backflip because drugs
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