there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You're like the curious george of whores
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
