i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
