The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
