.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
