Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
