I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
