It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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