Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
