Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
