If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
