i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
