i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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