Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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