My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
