It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize