Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize