Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
