I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
