so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
