you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
