my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I forget how to act sober
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
