im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
