If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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