Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
