I wish you could order shots online.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
