So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
