I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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