dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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