Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
