If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize