either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
