:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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