Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
