a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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