My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
