Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize